The New Year has come...and as always, New Years Eve was just another day. It held no special excitement, it held no special wonder, just the long and lonely day of sitting down and wondering what you have done all year and whether or not it was all worth it.
In fact, it's this very moment when you sit down and contemplate over your life, fearing that things in your life will never be as great as they are now, or your worried that things will get worse as the new year passes by...you feel worthless, helpless, and well, shitty...this is called New Years sickness.
I have the worst case of New Years Sickness of everyone that I know...in fact, it is so bad that I often find myself crying. It's very strange and a very awful experience.
I have found that for the New Year of 2011 that I will be making resolutions that I plan to keep. A couple years back I tried to stop making resolutions because those things never seemed to come true or happen (always due to procrastination on my part). So this year, I wanted things to be different...I wanted to truly begin anew with both small and large goals as to make 2011 the best year it could possible be.
But then a pit grew in my stomach as a thought about this 'list'...What do I want this year?
The question nagged at me and nagged at me and through me into a depressive stupor for over 2 days as I pondered the question. So here is what I have so far:
---I need to get back into school (at least part time).
---I need to get out of the house more.
---I need to start exercising again and losing weight
---I really want to write more often than not.
But then there were the small things you know...I want to get back with my ex. That's one thing that I still stand strong with. But at the same time, we have been broken up for almost 2 months, and I'm afraid that instead of working towards fixing what we have destroyed that we might be going the opposite direction. Either way we will end up friends...but there still are worries for what will happen during this new year when it comes to relationships.
Some other small things just have to do with other things of self-betterment, new careers...getting away from wendy's and away from factory jobs like sony. So yeah/// some think of the New Years as a celebration and a break...but for others...for us, it's a nightmare and one that you NEVER shake.
